Monthly Archives: January 2014

Engaged? 5 Reasons You’re Getting Married for the Wrong Reasons

“To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is well for them to remain single as I do.” The Apostle Paul speaking in Corinthians.

Paul, who some scholars believe at one time may have been married, chose to live a life of Imagecelibacy rather than to marry.  His reasoning was that those who marry would suffer a lifetime of trouble.

Now of course God does not frown upon marriage but he is very clear that he does hate divorce.  With the divorce rate approaching 50% in the U.S., more and more couples are ditching their wedding vows in search of greener pastures once they have realized they made a mistake.  There are many keys to a strong, loving marriage but probably the most overlooked is in not rushing into marriage in the first place.  Choosing the wrong partner can lead to numerous problems not just for you but also for your kids if you divorce.  Look it up!

So if you’re planning marriage here are a few reasons why you shouldn’t.

1. Because you feel you need to: Are all your friends getting married? Are you worried you’ll never have children? Have you finally found someone you feel comfortable enough around that you kinda think you can spend the rest of your LIFE with them?  Don’t get married simply because you’re at the age when you think you should tie the knot or because you finally want to make the sexual relationship with your fiancee right in God’s eyes.  Better to be celibate than anchored to someone you may soon resent in five years.

2. You are in love!: Of course if you are going to get married you need to be in love but don’t get married solely because you are in love.  Love some say is an action not an emotion.  Odds are you are in lust not love.  The chemicals swirling about in your brain at the beginning of a new relationship are as intoxicating as heroin.  Every time you form a sexual union with your partner your bond grows stronger and more intoxicating.  The effects wear off however as many of you discover before reciting your vows but you believe things will change once you get married. Unfortunately this is not always the case and the passion that burned so hot during the first 6 months of your romance is a grey memory.  If you are about to marry ask yourself this question, “If my partner were to become disabled tomorrow and they would not be able to have sex for the rest of their life, do I still love all the other parts of them enough to stay with them forever?”  If your answer is “No” and you aren’t married than you’re just being honest.  That’s okay.  Bottom line, don’t marry for sex.  Statistics suggest that up to 15-20% of all married couples in the U.S. are living in a sexless marriage which is defined by having relations 10 times a year or less.  God’s intention is for men and women to bond frequently.  Your marriage will experience times of drought particularly after child birth.  If your relationship is built only on passion than marriage may not be for you.

3. You don’t want to disappoint your family or in-laws:  The wedding date is set.  The wedding party is in place.  Your families have already booked the church and reception area.  You’re almost there but have a nagging feeling you are making a huge mistake.  You go through with the wedding anyway because you can’t imagine destroying all the hard work everyone has already put into your wedding.  Hey guess what, if you’re getting red flags from your fiancee than trust me, your family has probably seen and recognized them as well.  Chances are they may be hoping you call the wedding off despite all their invested efforts.  Perhaps they were once in your shoes.  Marriage is the biggest step of your life!  Do yourself and every Christmas dinner you attend from now until the time you get a divorce, a favor .

4. You want to rescue someone: Every man wants to be Richard Gere to Julia Roberts’ Pretty Woman.  Who doesn’t want to come in and save the day for a damsel in distress by marrying her and taking her away from a life in which she’s not pleased? Men must avoid this temptation.  Saving someone is fine but marrying them is altogether different.  The Prince Charming/Cinderella fantasy doesn’t last.  When she no longer needs rescuing or you can no longer rescue her, will the flame go out?  Inversely if you are engaged to a bad boy with a heart of gold whom you hope to change don’t believe that simply sharing a house, bills and kids will make things any better.  Being single and free to enjoy one another without all the burdens of life is the easy part.  The real road to Mordor begins once you exchange rings. If you aren’t all that happy while engaged, life won’t get easier once you take his last name.

5. They make you happy: Don’t get married because your fiancee makes you happy.  Get married to make them happy!  Your spouse won’t always be able to make you happy.  If you are in this only for you, you will end up disappointed because your spouse will never be able to fulfill all your needs even 90% of the time.