Category Archives: Marriage

7 Reasons Why God Is Such a BuzzKill About Sex?

*Disclaimer – I have had premarital sex.  I’m not judging anyone.  I’m simply pointing out the reasons why God frowns upon sex so that you don’t consider him the world’s biggest buzz kill and avoid his Word as such.

Watch nearly any show on television, Pretty Little Liars, Grey’s Anatomy, How I Met Your Mother,
Friends
, and you will see characters that we like and root for casually sleeping with one person after the other.  Why?  Because sex feels good and we get a chemically induced high when we meet someone and sleep with them.  And the more we see these characters, who in our mind are decent people, sleeping around, the more we think that their lifestyle is the norm for what we should strive.  Look I get it so before you click away because you think I’m about to judge your sexual history, let me ask you one thing.

Is your sexual lifestyle, gay or straight, one of the primary reasons you don’t go to church or have no room for God in your life?  Do you feel judged by God and think he is being a stick in the mud over sex?  Do you believe that if you love someone you should be able to have sex with them without fear of God’s wrath?  The world is tough!  God allows it to be tough and we should at least get to blow off steam by having sex, dammit!  Right?

Well before we go judging God and assuming we know what is best for us, here’s a few reasons why God frowns up pre-marital sex every bit as much as the other sins such as homosexuality against which we so righteously object.

Severing bonds hurts people – When two people have sex a bond is created between them and when this bond is broken at least one of the individuals inevitably will get hurt.  Who has never felt that intense sense of loss and despair when a lover abandons you? God feels this pain.  You are his child and he never wants to see you upset.

Sex leads to unwanted pregnancies-  This should be a no brainer but for many this is also one of those, “that will never happen to me” scenarios until actually it does happen to you.  Obviously unwanted pregnancies lead to several other problems such as….

Abortion – Have you ever heard the story of the Walls of Jericho?  Joseph and the Israelites marched around the city each day for seven days.  On the seventh day, God caused the walls to crumble and the city and all its inhabitants were delivered into Joshua’s hands.  Now why did the walls need to come down?  Why didn’t God just explode the gate?  What in the heck does this have to do with abortion?!  Well, the walls were filled with aborted fetuses sacrificed to a false God.  It’s true, look it up!  My mind was blown too when I found out recently.  Do you know how many abortions have taken place since Roe v. Wade?  Over 56 million!  That’s a tad more than what was found in Jericho’s walls.  Most unwanted pregnancies aren’t the result of rape or incest.  They are the result of having sex at a time in our life when we can’t raise children.  They are the result of being with someone we have no business being with.  Getting pregnant is an inconvenient side effect of careless sex.  Although many convince themselves those 56M fetuses are undeveloped lifeless nothings, we know deep down God does not see it as such.  I’ve got good news for you though.  God loves you and will forgive anyone who asks for it.

Single mothers – In 2011, 62 percent of women between ages 20 and 24 who had recently given birth were unmarried according to the Census Bureau’s American Community Survey.  That is staggering! Children need both a mother and a father!  Yes, I’m sure plenty of single mothers are doing a great job but most undervalue the role of a man in the development of a child’s, boy or girl, life.

Bad marriages – I applaud anyone who doesn’t go the abortion route and instead tries to  marry. How many people with nothing in common though are bonded together through matrimony because one night of irresponsible sex created a new life? No, I’m not judging.  I went to college too! But now you are with a man or woman you should not be with and rather than stick it out as God intended you get a…..

Divorce – Fifty percent of all marriages now end in divorce!  Pre-marital sex can lead to unwanted pregnancies, unwanted pregnancies can lead to abortion or bad marriages, bad marriages can lead to divorce and divorce can lead to more heartbreak, despair and children who just don’t end up as adjusted as we like to believe.  Yes, some children come out just fine, but many simply don’t get over it like we want them too.  Recent studies suggest that children of divorced parents are more likely to smoke, suffer anxiety, drop out of school and commit crimes.  But what are you going to do? Stay with someone you don’t love?  Oh if only you hadn’t had sex with them in the first place.

Disease – Another “this will never happen to me scenario”.  When one of your friends gets pregnant, hiding it is pretty hard to do.  When one of your friends contracts an STD, keeping it concealed is a little easier and so perhaps the threat of disease is not so on our minds like pregnancy is because we can’t always see it.  In 2008 according to the Center for Disease Control, 110 million sexually transmitted infections were tracked which may actually be a low estimate.  Nearly 20 million of these occurred in men and women between 15-24.

God doesn’t evaluate each individual and give them a pass on whether they can or cannot have sex based on their emotional maturity and ability to resist temptation.  He saw our future.  He saw all the heartbreak.  He saw the millions of aborted babies.  He saw all the struggling marriages.  He saw all the families torn apart.  He saw all the sickness that we would spread among ourselves.  He saw all the children from divorced families struggle with self-worth and depression.  God knew with the devil slithering about tempting us at every turn that we weren’t strong enough to stand up against our flesh and resist sex so he basically banned it for everyone not married.  God in essence is our best friend who takes our car keys from us when we’re drunk.

Listen, God loves you and doesn’t want to see you, your parents, your children or your children’s children hurt.  He isn’t trying to take something away from us.  He is trying to give us a life where we have the opportunity to be our very best!

 

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Engaged? 5 Reasons You’re Getting Married for the Wrong Reasons

“To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is well for them to remain single as I do.” The Apostle Paul speaking in Corinthians.

Paul, who some scholars believe at one time may have been married, chose to live a life of Imagecelibacy rather than to marry.  His reasoning was that those who marry would suffer a lifetime of trouble.

Now of course God does not frown upon marriage but he is very clear that he does hate divorce.  With the divorce rate approaching 50% in the U.S., more and more couples are ditching their wedding vows in search of greener pastures once they have realized they made a mistake.  There are many keys to a strong, loving marriage but probably the most overlooked is in not rushing into marriage in the first place.  Choosing the wrong partner can lead to numerous problems not just for you but also for your kids if you divorce.  Look it up!

So if you’re planning marriage here are a few reasons why you shouldn’t.

1. Because you feel you need to: Are all your friends getting married? Are you worried you’ll never have children? Have you finally found someone you feel comfortable enough around that you kinda think you can spend the rest of your LIFE with them?  Don’t get married simply because you’re at the age when you think you should tie the knot or because you finally want to make the sexual relationship with your fiancee right in God’s eyes.  Better to be celibate than anchored to someone you may soon resent in five years.

2. You are in love!: Of course if you are going to get married you need to be in love but don’t get married solely because you are in love.  Love some say is an action not an emotion.  Odds are you are in lust not love.  The chemicals swirling about in your brain at the beginning of a new relationship are as intoxicating as heroin.  Every time you form a sexual union with your partner your bond grows stronger and more intoxicating.  The effects wear off however as many of you discover before reciting your vows but you believe things will change once you get married. Unfortunately this is not always the case and the passion that burned so hot during the first 6 months of your romance is a grey memory.  If you are about to marry ask yourself this question, “If my partner were to become disabled tomorrow and they would not be able to have sex for the rest of their life, do I still love all the other parts of them enough to stay with them forever?”  If your answer is “No” and you aren’t married than you’re just being honest.  That’s okay.  Bottom line, don’t marry for sex.  Statistics suggest that up to 15-20% of all married couples in the U.S. are living in a sexless marriage which is defined by having relations 10 times a year or less.  God’s intention is for men and women to bond frequently.  Your marriage will experience times of drought particularly after child birth.  If your relationship is built only on passion than marriage may not be for you.

3. You don’t want to disappoint your family or in-laws:  The wedding date is set.  The wedding party is in place.  Your families have already booked the church and reception area.  You’re almost there but have a nagging feeling you are making a huge mistake.  You go through with the wedding anyway because you can’t imagine destroying all the hard work everyone has already put into your wedding.  Hey guess what, if you’re getting red flags from your fiancee than trust me, your family has probably seen and recognized them as well.  Chances are they may be hoping you call the wedding off despite all their invested efforts.  Perhaps they were once in your shoes.  Marriage is the biggest step of your life!  Do yourself and every Christmas dinner you attend from now until the time you get a divorce, a favor .

4. You want to rescue someone: Every man wants to be Richard Gere to Julia Roberts’ Pretty Woman.  Who doesn’t want to come in and save the day for a damsel in distress by marrying her and taking her away from a life in which she’s not pleased? Men must avoid this temptation.  Saving someone is fine but marrying them is altogether different.  The Prince Charming/Cinderella fantasy doesn’t last.  When she no longer needs rescuing or you can no longer rescue her, will the flame go out?  Inversely if you are engaged to a bad boy with a heart of gold whom you hope to change don’t believe that simply sharing a house, bills and kids will make things any better.  Being single and free to enjoy one another without all the burdens of life is the easy part.  The real road to Mordor begins once you exchange rings. If you aren’t all that happy while engaged, life won’t get easier once you take his last name.

5. They make you happy: Don’t get married because your fiancee makes you happy.  Get married to make them happy!  Your spouse won’t always be able to make you happy.  If you are in this only for you, you will end up disappointed because your spouse will never be able to fulfill all your needs even 90% of the time.

Why Did Prince Charming and Cinderella Divorce?

Who doesn’t dream of Disney’s version of happily ever after where the dashing, good looking Charming and Cinderellaprince sweeps the poor, desperate but beautiful princess off her feet? If you are a man you yearn to be the rich prince who can provide for the every need of a beautiful damsel with all your money. As a woman you perhaps look forward to waking up every morning with a rose on your pillow, dining extravagantly by the gleaming river every night, and making love in the back of a horse drawn carriage.

Do you think this is what happened to Prince Charming and Cinderella? If you have ever been trapped in the chemical induced high of a new relationship you probably feel the person with whom you are infatuated is your soul mate. You might even feel you have found your very own fairy tale Prince Charming or Cinderella. And yet a few years later when those chemicals dissipate and the vines of responsibility constrict all romance, each spouse may wonder if they married the wrong person.

As we know fairy tales exist only in the movies. Rarely are prostitutes swept off the streets by a handsome, rich man and married as in Pretty Woman. Even if this happens what becomes of them when the curtain falls? We see the couple at the height of their infatuation and feel they are destined to a fairy tale future.

But guess what? This seldom happens and all those right now contemplating divorce because their marriage did not turn out to be the fairly tale of which they dreamed need to take caution. Let’s fast forward five years into Prince Charming and Cinderella’s future to find out what really happened to them.

Though they started out happy Prince Charming’s duties to the kingdom soon take priority as evil forces started massing against him in the next realm. No longer could he spend his day rushing to the needs of his princess. He now spends 12 hours a day ensuring the outer defenses are secure. Cinderella as well must tend to duties in the castle and represent the kingdom at many social engagements. By the time she retires to their chambers the Prince is already asleep or vice versa. Furthermore when they do have time for each other, seldom do they have the energy for play. The threat of attack has so preoccupied Charming that he barely has any desire for Cinderella and when he does Cinderella is too overwhelmed with their children to care. This leaves the other feeling dejected and unattractive.

Eventually because neither can meet each others’ needs, sexual frustration creeps in and individuals once representing no temptation now catch the Charmings’ eyes. The prince becomes attracted to the courage and skills of a gorgeous archer under his command. Cinderella’s desire for the caring and compassionate stable master grows each time he brings an apple to her children and gently sets them upon their steeds. Now the cycle begins anew. The chemicals swirling through their brains which once created endless desire for one another now spurn them into the arms of another. Their past lustful addiction to one another which waned under the pressure of responsibility is rekindled for new objects of desire. As a result, when the addiction burns brightest, they contemplate whether their marriage ever should have taken place, not for once considering the same downfall will occur with their new romances.

The devil is truly a wolf in sheep’s clothing and will using caring, compassionate people to lead us astray from the covenant we make before God. Why? Because broken marriages delight him. Love is not an emotion. The unquenchable passion you experience at the beginning of a relationship is the result of brain induced chemicals. Once those wane love becomes a decision. Do you love your spouse? Can you forge through dirty diapers, family duties or warring forces that seek to divide you or will you forever search for a fairy tale?

The current divorce rate in the United States is 50%. According to some surveys the rate of infidelity among men equals that and for women it is as high as 40%. Will you be another statistic? Another notch on the Devil’s walking stick?